I had such an interesting day yesterday. I’m not sure I’ve had one quite like it since my kids were young. Three of my four grown children called on me for help of one kind or another. I won’t go too much into detail out of respect for their privacy, but some of it was quite draining, emotionally. The strange thing about it was that while I felt a little drained emotionally, I wasn’t as drained as I thought I should be. Let me try to explain.
In my mind, my formerly co-dependent mind that is still being renewed, I was really trying to be wrung out from the emotional drama, if you will, of each of my children’s situations. My mind was trying to “react” the way my old self used to. However, what my mind was trying to perceive was not the truth. I had more than enough energy to deal with what was being thrown at me and my child (whichever one I was talking to at the time). THAT is a God thing. That was God’s strength and energy, and peace that passes all understanding. It never ceases to amuse me when I can “see” the flesh and the spirit going in different directions – my mind trying to react dramatically, and the spirit of God keeping me calm and energized, and at peace amidst the turmoil. It’s just SO awesome!
I love my children dearly, as most moms do, and I always thought that once they were grown parenting would be so much easier. Amazingly enough, it’s not! Now, I get to watch while they make poor choices and suffer the consequences, or be attacked by the world and have to work it out for themselves. I am honored when they come to me for help or advice, yet I know that in the end they will make their own choice and it may not be the choice I would choose for them. I get to deal with that. I get to watch them walk out into the big, wide world – sometimes far away from me – and take any control I ever had over their lives with them. When they were little, I could steer them away from impending danger or simply deflect anything that was coming at them that would cause them harm. They were under my wing and protected. I don’t have that control anymore. Now I pray that they are under God’s wing and protected. Which is far better protection anyway. It’s not always easy though.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just not strong enough to endure the heartache of watching my children become subject to the pain and anguish of this world. Not just since becoming adults. We all know it starts early – as soon as they start to venture out. That first day of school, their first friend, their first crush. It has always been my goal, at least since coming to know Christ, to help them to be independent of me and dependent on God. Now that they’re grown it’s time for the rubber to meet the road. For all of us. For them, for their dad, for me. It’s time to actually LET them be independent of me and dependent on God – fully. God is so faithful, and He keeps me strong when I feel like falling into a heap of weariness and heartache. He reminds me that I am still their mother and I am still useful in their lives. As long as I have breath in me I can contribute the most powerful things I have to give – love and prayer.
My kids may be grown, but yesterday confirmed for me that it doesn’t mean that being “Mom” is over. It just means that the role of “Mom” has changed and with God’s help it can be a vital season of motherhood. 😊👩👦👦